‘I’m in my 20s and I’m trying to figure my future out. I’m just wondering how to stop worrying and letting the fear of the unknown totally consume my daily thoughts (I’m moving from Sweden to American and have no idea how to find a job, a place to live, etc.). I’m very much scared of the future, even though I have overcome obstacles before.’
The first thing I would say to her is: You are not alone. Lots of people, young and old, are afraid of the unknown, especially when things are not settled, everything’s up in the air.
I have a daughter in her early 20s, a son who is 18 … they have no idea what the future holds for them. Neither did I when I was young, and to be honest, I still don’t! Things are a little less scary for me these days, but I know what it’s like to be afraid of a wide open, scary future.
The second thing I would say is this: No one has the answers. No one knows the best path you should take. No one has figured out the ultimate answer to your problem of fearing the future. The best of us just fake it and make it look like we know what we’re doing. We don’t. We’re still trying to figure it out too, and the honest truth is, most of us are either scared shitless or faking it, even to ourselves.
But you want some practical advice, I’m sure. So let me do my best here … but always remember that 1) you’re not alone, and 2) no one really has any answers, if we’re being honest.
Get Good at Something
You don’t have a job, no fixed things to do, things are wide open … and that’s scary, but also an advantage. Your schedule is open, and you have immense possibilities.
The way to take advantage of that is to find something to get good at, and then get good at it. As good as you can.
And here’s more good news: it doesn’t really matter what you choose. If you choose to get good at design, and work for two years on that, and then discover you hate it … you can switch! You might then get good at making hand-crafted goods, and then switch when you decide that’s not for you. You might then learn programming and get good at that. Or learn blogging, and get good at that. It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter because time spent getting good at something is never wasted. You learn about how to get good at something. You meet others who are passionate. You make connections, with people and with ideas and with yourself. You learn about yourself in the process.
How do you get good at something? First, go offline, so you get away from distractions. Then:
Pick something, anything, that interests you.
Find the easiest next step, and get moving on it.
Find joy in that step.
Find someone to share it with. Better yet, find someone you have to turn it in to, like a boss or colleague or client or friend who will hold you accountable.
Find the next easy step, and enjoy that as well.
You’ll suck. You’ll doubt yourself. You’ll wish you were better, faster. We all do that, but the good news is, you’re young and it’s good to suck for awhile. By the time you’re in your 30s, you’ll suck a lot less.
You’ll build some momentum. You’ll start to love it because you start to get good at it. You’ll start to think you know what you’re doing, then realize there’s a lot more to learn, and then find that scary, then find that exciting.
Connect With Interesting People
Find people online doing interesting things, meet up with them in real life. Find people who are passionate, who are building things, who are pushing themselves, who dream big, who are mindful and joyful and healthy and friendly and shy and gregarious and adventurous and curious.
Befriend them. Be there for them. Be helpful. Make them laugh. These are your people.
They will lift you up, excite you, fill your life with meaning. They’ll make sincerity and joy your new normal.
These people will help your future career in some way, but that’s not the important thing: what really matters is that friends matter. Leo Babauta
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